Dear New Jesse Shoes

Man, I can't get over how good looking you are ,one might even call you hot. I'm so excited that we were introduced and am looking forward to the road ahead. I can already tell that your sole is tough, yet gentle - the perfect match for me.
I know this may be too soon, but would you be my date to Bally's tomorrow. I just feel like we've hit it off so quickly - I felt like I've known you forever. I promise you won't regret it.
See you soon,
Michael.